It’s hard to switch off at the end of a busy day, isn’t it? When you’ve been rushing around, finishing one task and starting another, it’s ever likely you’re still in a spin by bedtime!
You might finally sit down on the sofa, or get into bed, expecting your brain to realise that the day is done.
Instead, it seems to decide that now is the perfect time to think about everything.
Tomorrow’s meeting. That bill you need to pay. Something your partner said earlier. Whether you replied to that email. What you’re going to make for tea tomorrow.
Your body may have stopped for the day, but your brain certainly hasn’t.
What do we really mean by ‘switching off’?
Isn’t it funny how we use the term ‘switch off’?
The dictionary definition is essentially ‘to turn something off using a button or switch’. Informally, it can also mean ‘to stop paying attention’.
But we’re not robots or machines. We don’t have a switch, button or lever that simply turns our brain off. Although I’m sure plenty of us wish we did!
Imagine plugging yourself in to charge overnight, flicking the switch and waking up eight hours later at 100%? Lovely.
The second definition is probably closer to what we mean when we say we want to switch off. But even that isn’t quite right.
Because how can you stop paying attention to everything, all at once?
You can’t.
As soon as we stop paying attention to one thing, something else takes its place. And that’s OK. That’s what the brain is supposed to do.
The problem is when thoughts about one part of your life keep intruding, while you’re trying to pay attention to something else.
It’s not thinking that’s the problem
You might be:
Worrying about tomorrow’s presentation while you put the kids to bed.
Doing the maths in your head as you pay for another school trip, concerned about your finances.
Wondering what your partner really meant when they made that comment earlier.
Mentally writing tomorrow’s to-do list when you’re supposed to be watching television.
These are the thoughts we really mean when we talk about not being able to switch off.
You don’t actually want your brain to stop thinking. You want the worries and overthinking to quieten down enough for you to enjoy what is happening now.
Why does my brain keep worrying?
Worries don’t usually appear completely at random.
If you start paying attention to yours, you may notice that there’s something linking them.
It could be the subject. Perhaps your thoughts repeatedly come back to money.
It could be a fear. Different situations might all involve the possibility of being rejected, getting something wrong or disappointing somebody.
Or it could be situational. Perhaps your overthinking mostly happens around work, family gatherings or particular relationships.
Underneath those thoughts there can be beliefs and associations that your brain has developed through your experiences.
For example, someone who has developed a belief that getting things wrong leads to criticism may spend a huge amount of time preparing, checking and replaying situations.
The individual worries change, but the pattern underneath them can remain remarkably similar.
Your worrying brain is trying to help
We’re complex human beings, so of course we worry about lots of different things.
Our brains are very good at looking for potential problems. From a survival point of view, noticing possible threats has been rather useful!
That doesn’t mean every worried thought is evidence that something bad is actually going to happen.
Sometimes worry is simply your brain giving you a nudge, saying:
“There’s something here I think you need to pay attention to.”
The trouble is that our brains also have a negativity bias. Potential problems tend to grab our attention more readily than everything that’s going perfectly well.
Unfortunately, there isn’t always a little cheerleader popping up alongside your worry to say, “Actually, you’ve dealt with plenty of difficult situations before and you’ve been absolutely fine.”
We often rely on other people to provide that reassurance rather than learning to create it for ourselves.
How you can stop overthinking
You can practise redirecting your attention when you notice yourself getting pulled into worry.
But sometimes it helps to look at what keeps generating the worries in the first place.
That’s where the work I do comes in.
My focus is on helping you recognise the beliefs, emotional responses and thinking patterns sitting underneath your overthinking, rather than simply telling you to “think positively”.
I use hypnotherapy, coaching and Integral Eye Movement Techniques (IEMT), depending on what you need, to help you address those patterns and develop a different response.
The aim isn’t to make sure you never have another worried thought.
It’s to help you reach a point where a thought can appear without taking over the rest of your evening.
Stop trying to switch off and start winding down
So what can you do right now?
First, I’d stop aiming to switch off.
Try thinking about it as winding down instead.
You don’t expect yourself to leap out of bed in the morning and immediately operate at full speed. Most of us need a little time to wake up and get going.
Your brain deserves the same consideration at the other end of the day.
If you’ve spent ten hours working, making decisions, solving problems, driving, answering messages, organising children, thinking about money and remembering what needs doing tomorrow, it’s unrealistic to expect your brain to become completely calm the second you sit down.
Give it some transition time.
Try a worry download
If thoughts keep appearing when you’re trying to relax, don’t immediately fight them.
Write them down.
For a few days, make a note of the worries that repeatedly enter your head. You don’t need to analyse them as you go. Just collect them.
Then have a look at what you’ve written.
Did the same worry appear several times?
Are most of your thoughts about work?
Money?
Getting things wrong?
Other people’s opinions?
Feeling responsible for everyone?
Not being able to cope if something goes wrong?
Once you’ve collected the data, patterns are much easier to see.
And once you can see the pattern, you can decide what actually needs your attention.
Some worries need a practical solution. You might need to have a conversation, make a decision, delegate something or ask for help.
Others may point towards a thinking pattern or belief that you’ve been carrying around for much longer.
Either way, you don’t need to completely switch off your brain.
You just want to get better at deciding which thoughts deserve your attention and which ones you’re ready to let go.