Wondering why you can’t relax even on holiday? Discover the hidden reason that makes it hard to switch off, what happens in your body, and how to truly recover.
You Finally Made It…
You booked the holiday months ago. You’ve bought new holiday clothes. The cases are packed. This is the holiday you’ve been looking forward to for ages. Finally, a chance to switch off and do nothing.
Work has been stressful. And if you look back over the past year, it’s been a tough one. You’ve had a lot more thrown at you than anyone should have to deal with in such a short space of time. But you’ve coped.
Now is your chance to draw a line in the sand and move on. This is the holiday that will reset you.
After the airport queues, the delayed flight and the transfer to the hotel, you’re finally sitting by the pool. Cocktail in hand. Listening to the kids splash and laugh.
Then you realise something.
“Where is it? That big sigh of relief? Why can’t I relax even on holiday?”
Frustrated, you carry on sipping your cocktail and hope that eventually the feeling of relaxation will wash over you and you can finally let your hair down.
And that moment does arrive… but not until the very last day, when you’re packing to go home.
The feeling is fleeting because, although you’ve finally relaxed, there’s an underlying dread that comes with it.
Back to the grindstone.
Work starts again on Monday.
And the hamster wheel you were finally free from is waiting for you to jump straight back on.
“What’s wrong with me?”
You’re Not the Only One
First of all, please know this is not “all in your head.”
This happens to countless people, but they rarely talk about it.
I know because I experienced it myself, and over the years many clients have quietly admitted they thought they were the only one.
Social media certainly doesn’t help.
You see happy families smiling in the sunshine, apparently having the time of their lives. But that’s only one tiny moment in time. The moment everyone was promised an ice cream if they smiled nicely for the camera.
The grouchy moods, sprained ankles, sibling arguments and itchy mosquito bites rarely make it onto Facebook.
What’s Really Going On?
There’s a hidden reason why you can’t relax even on holiday. But several factors are at play.
For a start, the current working week was never designed with modern family life in mind. It was created at a time when many men went out to work while their wives stayed at home, managing the house and children.
Today, most families have two working parents.
The only way that really works is when both parents share the physical jobs and the mental load.
And no, it doesn’t matter who earns more.
This is about time and energy, not money.
This is about teamwork.
You might think you have a wonderful 50:50 relationship because the housework is shared.
But what about the mental load?
On average, mothers have 67% more tasks on their mental to-do list than fathers.*
That’s an awful lot of invisible planning and household management.
Yes, many of us probably create extra jobs that aren’t absolutely essential (when I stopped ironing, I got so much time back!).
But even allowing for that, it’s clear that women often have far more on their plate day to day.
And we haven’t even mentioned the natural fluctuations in energy, concentration and mood throughout the menstrual cycle.
Based on this, it’s a huge help if someone else books the holiday or helps the children pack their own cases. The earlier they learn, the easier it gets every year.
And remember…
If you forget something, shops do exist wherever you’re going.
Ultimately though, what is really happening is this:
You’re chronically stressed.
You just didn’t realise it.
What Happens in Your Body When You Can’t Relax?
Humans weren’t designed to be busy all the time and then suddenly switch off like a robot.
Nature shows us what balance really looks like.
A tree doesn’t stay green all year, take a week off by shedding its leaves, then suddenly become full of life again.
Everything moves in seasons.
And so do we.
Our biology needs moments of effort, movement, rest, enjoyment and recovery.
Not once or twice a year.
Every single day.
When you’re stressed, your body produces more cortisol, your main stress hormone.
High cortisol suppresses melatonin, the hormone that helps you sleep deeply.
So when life stays busy for weeks or months, sleep often becomes lighter, more broken or harder to fall into.
And without deep sleep, your body never gets the chance to properly restore itself.
That’s why relaxing can feel impossible, even when you’re lying beside a swimming pool.
The environment has changed.
Your nervous system hasn’t.
The good news is that your body responds brilliantly to regular moments of slowing down.
Even better, do something you genuinely enjoy every day.
Enjoyable activities help release serotonin — one of your feel-good hormones — which also helps your body produce melatonin later in the day.
Relaxing doesn’t necessarily mean sleeping or lying on the sofa watching Netflix.
Sorry!
There are lots of different ways to relax, and they all help lower cortisol while encouraging your brain to produce the hormones that help you feel calm and sleep better.
How Long Does It Take to Feel Better?
How long is a piece of string?
I spent years filling every spare minute with doing.
I never sat still.
Eventually, work became even more stressful, my body tipped over the edge and I burnt out completely.
Even 11 weeks off work wasn’t enough for me to properly relax.
Your journey might be much shorter.
If you start cancelling a few commitments, delegate more to your partner and children, and make time for the things that genuinely light you up, you’ll begin giving your nervous system the opportunities it needs to recover.
Either way, if you can’t relax even on holiday, it’s a red flag that something needs to change.
You can’t wait for life to change for you.
If you ignore it, your body will eventually respond with fatigue, illness or burnout.
You are the only person who can choose differently.
Is There a Shortcut?
Actually…
Yes.
I just wish I’d discovered it sooner.
For me, that shortcut was hypnotherapy.
But I didn’t rely on hypnotherapy alone.
I combined it with changing my habits and lifestyle too.
That’s exactly why I now offer a combination of coaching, hypnotherapy and IEMT.
You can absolutely make conscious decisions to improve your life.
But the part of your mind that’s constantly driving you to do more, overthink, worry and seek approval lives in your subconscious.
So it makes sense to create change there too.
Around 95% of what we do is driven by the subconscious mind, which is why hypnotherapy can help people reduce stress, calm anxiety and feel more like themselves much more quickly than they expected.
There’s never a guarantee about how long change will take.
However, after working with many clients over the years, I usually have a good idea during our first conversation whether someone would benefit from a 4, 7 or 12-session programme.
If you’ve moved beyond stress into depression, I’d always recommend speaking to your GP before starting sessions with me.
Whether it’s counselling, CBT, hypnotherapy or another form of therapy, healing involves opening up, processing your emotions and letting go.
And for that, you have to be ready.